The Studio

Many of my female friends often complain that chivalry is dead, or that guys just aren't grown here like they are in the south. That may be true, but I don't think that it can be completely attributed to chivalry.

Over the years, good old-fashioned chivalry has faded because too many guys have been burned by some crazy feminist accusing them of being chauvinist, rather than the intended chivalrous. Admittedly, it is a fine line, but you can never go wrong if your intent is to show someone in your life you care, rather than being motivated by the need to "rescue" or "protect" or "help" this person.

So here, we can all help each other out. Ladies, if there are particular things would make you feel better cared for, tell your friends rather than just "...wishing, and hoping, and praying..." that someone will pick up on it. And guys, don't be afraid to take that teeny extra step to show the people in your life you care. It has nothing to do with courting, or romancing, or pursuing a lady. Many of the things the things that make a gentleman a gentleman are gestures that should be extended to your mothers, sisters, and friends of the female persuasion. Many of these gestures require little to no effort on your part, but it will mean a lot to the receiving party.

Since I'm sure that there most females will not tell the men in their life what it is they need from them, I'll give you guys a head start, by highlighting some super simple things you can do to show the ladies in your life that you care about them. Ladies, feel free to add comments to this list if you can think of other caring gestures. Maybe one day I'll have enough to compile it into a "1001 Ways to Show You Care" book. =)

1. When walking with a lady, don't walk in front of her -- walk at a comfortable speed for her. This particularly applies if you're walking at night.
2. When walking with a lady, walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street, often the lefthand side. This is the traditional rule of thumbs, stemming back to the day when people used to dump trash and sewage onto the streets from their balconies and windows. The intent is to allow the lady to walk under the awning. Today, I would amend this to, walk on the spookier side of the sidewalk, changing as needed. For example, imagine a sidewalk at night. The two of you are about to walk past a group of thuggish looking men. In this case, it would make more sense for the gentleman to put himself between the lady and the "threat". "Threats" to look for, crazy people, dark alleys, street hustlers, whatever else is raising a red flag in your eyes.
3. Offer to walk the lady to her car at night. This one seems pretty self-explanatory.
4. When dropping a lady off at night, wait around until she is safely inside her home.
5. If a lady parts company with you at night, ask her to call you when she's home, or give her a call when you expect she will have arrived at home. With all the modern day technologies, there are a ton of different variations of this -- IM, text message, etc.
6. If you happen to find out that the lady is feeling under the weather, offer to bring over some soup and a movie. Notice I said nothing about making the soup yourself. Safeway has a great selection of gourmet soups.
7. Ask a lady about something that is important to her. Was there a meeting that she was stressing about all week? Is there stuffing going on with her family that she's been pre-occupied with? Just show her that you listen or that you're in tune with what's going on in her life.
8. If a lady has prepared a meal for you, always be sure to thank her, and offer to do the dishes. This has almost nothing to do with chivalry, but is rather common courtesy. Ladies and gentlemen alike, never take each other for granted.
9. Every now and then, offer to come pick her up when you guys go out.
10. When it's getting chilly outside, offer her your jacket -- don't wait for her to ask for it.

There it is, my top 10 list. You can't honestly tell me that any of these require too much effort on your part. They're things we should do for one another, for friends, for family, for people we love. Most of them are even pretty gender neutral -- I know that these are things I would do for both my male and female friends (though I've also been accused of being a guy, but that's a story for another day). So you see, it's not very hard to show someone that you care. Life's too short to be shy or to take anything for granted. So, go on, give some of these a try, and see if it doesn't make you feel great too, to be able to do something thoughtful for someone else.

She hit the door 6:55 sack full of groceries split down the side. Can goods scattered all the way to the curb. Look on her face saying don't say a word. So, it's me and her and a can of beans sitting there on the front porch swing. Western sky all turning red. Head on my shoulder she sighed and said: Been gopherin, chaufferin, company chairmen. Coffee maker, Copy repairman. Anymore there ain't nothin I swear man that I don't do. Been juggling, struggling, closing big deals. Dancing backwards in high heels. Just when it feels like i can't make it through. She said it sure is nice to just be the woman with you She said the girl I was with the business degree probally wouldn't recognize me. I was gonna run the bank. I was gonna run them out. Now all I want to run is a bubble bath. Back then you know I had this plan. Before all of this reality set in. Here comes life boy ready or not. Hey I wanted it all and thats what I got. Cause I'm gopherin, chaufferin, company chairmen. Coffee maker, Copy repairman. Anymore there ain't nothin I swear man that I don't do. Been juggling, struggling, closing big deals. Dancing backwards in high heels. Just when it feels like I can't make it through. She said it sure is nice to just be the woman with you. She said I'm gopherin,chaufferin, company chairmen. Coffee maker, Copy repairman. Anymore there ain't nothin I swear man that I don't do. Been juggling, struggling, closing big deals. Dancing backwards in high heels. Just when it feels like I can't make it through. She said it sure is nice to just be the woman the woman with you. La, la, la, la, la, la The woman with you

I don't know what it is....but I realized recently that I don't not believe in arranged marriages. That scares me a little.

You say you want Diamonds on a ring of gold You say you want Your story to remain untold But all the promises we make From the cradle to the grave When all I want is you You say you'll give me A highway with no one on it Treasure just to look upon it All the riches in the night You say you'll give me Eyes in a moon of blindness A river in a time of dryness A harbour in the tempest But all the promises we make From the cradle to the grave When all I want is you You say you want Your love to work out right To last with me through the night You say you want Diamonds on a ring of gold Your story to remain untold Your love not to grow cold All the promises we break From the cradle to the grave When all I want is you You...all I want is... You...all I want is... You...all I want is... You...

What is it that constructed the social norms that causes so many of us to have such strong fears of embarassing ourselves in front on total strangers whom we will never meet again? Sometimes, I think the level of fear is a bit irrational.

Let me paint a scenario for you...perhaps you can offer me some insight to what I may be missing. Here's a situation I'm sure we've all experienced. Imgaine you're at a park with your best friend, sitting on a blanket reading and you see someone across the lawn tossing a frisbee around with his/her dog. For whatever reason, you're very drawn to this person, yes, even attracted to them. You spend the entire afternoon distracted, unable to read -- you can hardly take your eyes off this person nor keep from thinking of them. You wonder if they're seeing anyone, and you would like to have the opportunity to perhaps grab a cup of coffee with them. But, try as you might, you're paralyzed by this fear of perhaps rejection, or looking like an idiot to this person you don't even know. And although you beg and plead, your best friend also refuses to approach this stranger to solicit their name/number/dating status or offer up your name/number/dating status.

In this situation, I think it's safe to say that neither you nor your best friend have anything to lose. Neither of you know this person, and it's highly unlikely that either of you will ever see them again. On the contrary, there's quite a bit to be gained. So, my question is WHY are both of you immobilized to approach this benign stranger?

Is it fear, is it pride, is it something else? Don't you think it's silly that we all go through this?

You took your coat off and stood in the rain, You're always crazy like that. And I watched from my window, Always felt I was outside looking in on you. You're always the mysterious one with Dark eyes and careless hair, You were fashionably sensitive But too cool to care. You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say Besides some comment on the weather. [Pre-Chorus 1] Well in case you failed to notice, In case you failed to see, This is my heart bleeding before you, This is me down on my knees, and... [Chorus] These foolish games are tearing me apart, And your thoughtless words are breaking my heart. You're breaking my heart. You're always brilliant in the morning, Smoking your cigarettes and talking over coffee. Your philosophies on art, Baroque moved you. You loved Mozart and you'd speak of your loved ones As I clumsily strummed my guitar. You'd teach me of honest things, Things that were daring, things that were clean. Things that knew what an honest dollar did mean. I hid my soiled hands behind my back. Somewhere along the line, I must've gone Off track with you. [Pre-Chorus 2] Well, excuse me, guess I've mistaken you for somebody else, Somebody who gave a damn, Somebody more like myself. [Chorus] You took your coat off, Stood in the rain, You're always crazy like that.

This past weekend was almost too much fun! Thanks to everyone who played a part in making it so...

Thanks Will, Tiff, Evan for accompanying me to San Jose to the Jazz festival on a night when not so much jazz was happening. And, thanks for humoring me in my random and spontaneous whims. You guys were great sports! The Karaoke was a nice touch. =) Thank you Will and Evan for the drinks, though I insist that my Irish Coffee could have been sweeter. Thanks again Evan for being the chauffer of the evening.

Eric, Justin, thanks for giving up your Sunday afternoon to join me at the Jazz Festival, and letting me drag you from stage to stage and vendor to vendor. Thanks to both of you for the fashion advice -- I really love my new skirt. Thanks Eric for the dances. It is always a pleasure, particularly when we catch the attention of so many people, though in truth I think all eyes are on you. Thanks also, Eric, for driving.

And thanks to the weather gods for such beautiful, sunny, and breezy whether.

It was honestly a great weekend, to gear up for strange work hours for the rest of the month. Yay for grave yard shifts!! pffffft. If you guys see me online, PLLEEEEEEZZEEEE entertain me!!!! please?

Hope to see some of you guys soon....

Boy: Now I've had the time of my life No I never felt like this before Yes I swear it's the truth and I owe it all to you Girl: 'Cause I've had the time of my life and I owe it all to you Boy: I've been waiting for so long Now I've finally found someone To stand by me Girl: We saw the writing on the wall As we felt this magical fantasy Both: Now with passion in our eyes There's no way we could disguise it secretly So we take each other's hand 'Cause we seem to understand the urgency Boy: just remember Girl: You're the one thing Boy: I can't get enough of Girl: So I'll tell you something Both:This could be love because (CHORUS) Both: I've had the time of my life No I never felt this way before Yes I swear it's the truth And I owe it all to you 'Cause I've had the time of my life And I've searched through every open door 'Til I found the truth And I owe it all to you Girl: With my body and soul I want you more than you'll ever know Boy: So we'll just let it go Don't be afraid to lose control Girl: Yes I know whats on your mind When you say: "Stay with me tonight." Boy: Just remember You're the one thing Girl: I can't get enough of Boy: So I'll tell you something Both: This could be love because (CHORUS) Both: 'Cause I had the time of my life No I've never felt this way before Yes I swear it's the truth And I owe it all to you 'Cause I've had the time of my life And I've searched through every open door Till I found the truth and I owe it all to you *Instrumental* Boy: Now I've had the time of my life No I never felt this way before (Girl: Never Felt this way) Boy: Yes I swear it's the truth and I owe it all to you Both: 'Cause I had the time of my life And I've searched through every open door Till I've found the truth and I owe it all to you Both: "cause I've had the time of my life No I've never felt this way before Yes I swear it's the truth And I owe it all to you

Have you ever imagined what it would be like to fall for someone who was so wrong for you? Or so different from you? Or so not what you're looking for? What would it be like to date someone like that?

A month ago, I was in Houston, and one of my cousin's friends was visiting from out of town. For anonymity's sake, let's call him Henry. I had met Henry once before, on a previous visit to Houston. Between the two times that we met and hung out, we must have exchanged no more than 50 words. Still, I found myself developing a small crush on him.

Let me tell you about Henry...and why this tiny crush was so improbably and out of character, I nearly laugh out loud each time I think of it. So, Henry recently immigrated from Vietnam. He barely speaks an ounce of English. He's one of the quietest guys I have met, and when so many of your friends are engineers, that's saying quite a bit. He's also possibly among the nicest guys out there, so much so in fact that many people close to me have pointed out that I could probably "eat him alive". (I don't know how I feel about that description, btw, though I fully recognize its veracity.)

The most remarkable thing about entertaining this idea of me and Henry together is that Henry has no career to speak us, his future quite uncertain, his ambition I cannot ascertain. But maybe it's all these that make him different, almost refreshing in a novel and innocent kind of way. The things that Henry has going for him is his kindness. I see him with Nicholas and Anthony and the boys just absolutely adore him. He too seems very happy when he's watching the boys and genuinely cares about them. Another thing that sets him apart is that, unlike most Vietnamese men, he neither drinks nor smokes. And, I think the kicker is that he's rather domestic. I think he spent a few years in Vietnam working as a tailor, and on his recent visit to my cousin's place, he woke up early one morning, after Anthony's birthday party, and cleaned my cousin's entire kitchen and washed all the dishes -- all without being asked, and finished before either of his hosts had awaken. Remarkable.

It's experiences like these when I surprise myself. It makes you re-evaluate all the qualities you look for in a potential mate. I joked with my mother that I could probably be content being the bread-winner of the family if I married Henry and he would stay home, cooking, cleaning, and watching the kids. My aunt insists that such a marriage could never last because we could never go to the nice places that I love to frequent or hang out in the social circles that I'm accustomed to. I know that this arrangement is very unlikely to work, but it makes you wonder. What are the relationship deal breakers?

Hmmmm indeed.

I have a dream, a song to sing To help me cope with anything If you see the wonder of a fairy tale You can take the future even if you fail I believe in angels Something good in everything I see I believe in angels When I know the time is right for me I’ll cross the stream - I have a dream I have a dream, a fantasy To help me through reality And my destination makes it worth the while Pushing through the darkness still another mile I believe in angels Something good in everything I see I believe in angels When I know the time is right for me I’ll cross the stream - I have a dream I’ll cross the stream - I have a dream I have a dream, a song to sing To help me cope with anything If you see the wonder of a fairy tale You can take the future even if you fail I believe in angels Something good in everything I see I believe in angels When I know the time is right for me I’ll cross the stream - I have a dream I’ll cross the stream - I have a dream