It’s been three months since I’ve been back in the states, and with the new year, I figure I’m well past due on an account of my 2011 adventures in Africa. I think I most succinctly summarized my time in Africa in a recent facebook status. “Over a year ago I landed for the first time in Africa. It's hard to believe a year has flown by so quickly. My friends made all kinds of progress in their personal lives (congrats guys!) but my personal journey was on a different vector. I learned a lot about another part of the world, met all kinds of super interesting people from all over (yes, I have diplomat friends now), but also learned the most about myself. I was challenged as a professional and as a person and came out better because of it. Names that used to be associated with atrocities (Rwanda and Ethiopia) have been replaced with memories of beautiful, strong, resilient people, and breath taking landscapes. And along the way, I even managed to make some amazing friends. 2011 wasn't always fun but it will definitely go down in the books as a great year!”
I’d been wanting to go work in Africa for something like four years, and towards the end of 2010, the stars finally aligned and an opportunity presented itself. With just two weeks notice, I was asked to get my affairs in order and head to Tanzania for an engagement with the Tanzania Cotton Board. (I won’t talk too much about my work in Tanzania, since I did a fairly comprehensive post about it back in February and May). As I prepared myself to leave the country for what I hoped would be 6 months, I mentally geared up for experiences that would potentially shock me, certainly move me, and hopefully shape me. For reasons that I can’t completely explain, I was also trying to impose a somewhat introspective and isolated experience – not isolated in that I didn’t want to meet locals and learn about culture, language, and customs, but isolated in the emotional distance and meditative sense. I was going to Tanzania to work, to help, and to learn, nothing more. Fun, friendships, and emotional connectedness didn’t factor into my trip, these were things I was leaving behind in the states. As further proof of my intentions to lead an austere and ascetic life in Africa, I didn’t pack anything that would constitute as fun – no cute clothes, no make-up, no entertainment save a couple books on the topic of poverty alleviation. (Thank goodness Diana helped me pack and forced me to take 1 sun dress and a couple of her books for lighter reading.) As I boarded my flight to Tanzania, passport in hand but without a visa, I felt excited to be running towards an experience that I had wanted for so long. I know now, though I didn’t know then, that part of me was also running away from some things.
Upon arriving in Tanzania, my wonderful Accenture colleagues, who had already been working there, were gracious enough to show me around and to help me get setup with all the logistics. With their help, transitioning to day-to-day life couldn’t have been easier or smoother. It didn’t take me long to realize though how important it is for a person to have social connections and a support network, regardless of where you are or for how long you’ll be there. While my colleagues generously invited me along to many of their events and outings, I never felt like I really fit in. This made for a lonely first month, culminating in my first Christmas alone. While everyone had big trips planned to take advantage of the many days off for Christmas, I chose instead to stay in Dar and explore the city and further settle in. I discovered what a profound difference a well-stocked and functioning kitchen can have on my happiness (see post in December). Many people’s holiday travel plans were meant to converge in Diani for a new year’s celebration that would span several days. I decided that I would join in on the festivities – perhaps one of my best decisions while in Africa. We rang in 2011 in an epic way, the likes of which I will not experience again for many years to come. (see post in January)
At the start of 2011, I began to realize that I needed to make a more concerted effort to make friends in Tanzania and to find my place. This became even more important as my 10-week engagement turned into a 9-month stint virtually overnight. What I didn’t realize was how rusty I had become at making new friends. =P Back at home, most of my new friendships are made through common friends, so friendships form a bit more organically. I meet someone new at a group event, run into them a few more times at other group events, we’re on common group emails, and now I have their email address and can invite them to events, and viola we’re friends! J In Tanzania, I decided I couldn’t rely on the typical route but I still wanted to find a way to make friends that felt authentically me. Gareth told me about a salsa class, and I thought this was perfect because that’s how I became acquainted with many of my closest friends in the bay area. While I met people through salsa, I was shy about taking definitive actions to convert these meetings into friendships.
The perfect example of my lackluster effort was demonstrated in how Myra and I became friends. Myra became my best friend in Tanzania and was a cornerstone of my support system there, but it nearly wasn’t so. So, on a random Thursday night, there was a salsa party on the rooftop of an Irish pub. I came alone since I couldn’t convince anyone to come with me, and while there was great music, there was hardly any dancing. Part of this was due to the fact that there was maybe 1 guy there, and about 14 women. I’ve never been to a salsa event before that was so woefully unbalanced. So, I contented myself with having a drink and chatting with some of the other ladies. About an hour or so into the evening, more people start arriving, but still not nearly enough men. The salsa instructor knew I was a pretty experienced salsa dancer so she was trying to pimp me out to as many of the leads as possible, bless her heart. But, I didn’t want to monopolize the few leads that were there, so I tried to look like I was enthralled with my drink. I happened to grab a seat close to some folks near my age, and quickly got to talking to Myra. I’d say we hit it off right away as we talked for a good 30-45 minutes, while we should have been dancing, mind you. I couldn’t think of an excuse to just straight up ask Myra for her number, so instead I asked for her kickboxing instructor’s number because one of the guys on my project had mentioned he was looking for a boxing instructor. I had hoped that through this and future salsa events I could happen to run into Myra again. At some point, someone asked Myra to dance, and it was getting late so I just went home. Over a month passed by and I never saw Myra. Then, one evening, I’m sitting at home, and there’s a knock on the door. I thought it was the building management guys there to collect money for the generator, but lo and behold, it was Myra! It was an incredibly pleasant surprise. During our first conversation, we had talked about where we were living, and Myra had mentioned she was considering moving into my complex. When she did, she asked the super which apartment was mine, and the rest is history! If you ask Myra, she’ll jokingly tell you that she stalked me, tracked me down, and made me be her friend, but in truth I couldn’t have been happier to become reacquainted with her. Before we knew it, we were hanging out 3-4 times a week, communicating nearly on a daily basis, and we were even roommates for brief periods. I honestly did not expect to make such strong friendships and in some ways had closed myself off to the idea, but I’m tremendously glad Myra showed me the error of my ways.
In addition to trying to meet people through dance, one of the other more successful ways I’ve had of making friends is by sharing meals together. Now that my kitchen was stocked and functional, I looked for opportunities to invite folks over for food. My friendships can probably be defined categorized by the kinds of meal I’ve shared or prepared for a person. Before we’ve shared a meal, we’re probably just acquaintances. If we’ve shared a meal together, we’re almost assuredly friends. If I’ve invited you to a dinner party where I’ve cooked for you, then you’re a good friend. If I’ve cooked for just you, you’re in my inner-most circle. If I’ve learned your favorite dishes or tried to perfect those dishes of mine that you particularly enjoy and cooked them just for you, well, it doesn’t get closer to love than this. Anyways, this approach to making friends led to some memorable dinners: pho night (I wonder if this was the first pot of pho ever cooked in Tanzania!), crab night, 4th of July BBQ featuring Vietnamese mishkaki. There were also a host of more humble dinners preceding poker nights, including all kinds of ethnic cuisines such as thai featuring mango chicken and lemongrass green beans, Japanese curry, Indian curry with mango chutney, and improvised taco night. In the process we became addicted to pappadums, which were great as chip substitutes, taco shell substitutes, and generally a great vessel for just about anything. Chipati as makes a good substitute for tortillas.
The rest of my time in Africa is probably best summed up through pictures. Enjoy, and happy new year!! May 2012 bring you good health, new friendships, strengthened bonds, love, and adventure. XOXO.
